


Not To Me. Not If It's You

by accidentallyanoctopus



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Based on that one quote you know the one, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, In this house we love and appreciate Luther Hargreeves you assholes!, Low Self-Esteem, Low Self-Worth, M/M, Mentions of Emotional and Physical Abuse, mentions of emotional manipulation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 21:29:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19980790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/accidentallyanoctopus/pseuds/accidentallyanoctopus
Summary: PYLADES: "I'll take care of you"ORESTES: "It's rotten work"PYLADES: "Not to me. Not if it's you."Luther thinks his emotions are a burden. His boyfriend Jake tries to reassure him that they're not.





	Not To Me. Not If It's You

Once they start living together, Jake quickly finds out that, for such a massive man, Luther cries very quietly. Not only that, but he always tries not to cry in front of Jake, always leaving the room or waiting until Jake isn't nearby before letting tears fall. Even at night, when he wakes in grief and terror, he'll quickly shuffle to the bathroom before Jake can notice his distress. 

Jake knows why, even though sometimes he wishes he didn't. He knows that Luther hides his emotions because that's how he was taught to be. Strong, independent, focused, practical, even-keeled – all things that characterize the leader his father forcibly molded him into. Leaders don't show their emotions to those they lead, they keep those sorts of things private. Seeing a leader in distress makes those under him question his ability to lead. And although Luther was never a great leader, not even a good one, he took those lessons and made them a part of himself. Luther, for better and clearly for worse, is what Reginald Hargreeves made him. 

And so Luther doesn't accept comfort easily. He has little understanding of tenderness, little reference base for how to be taken care of. As long as his physical needs are met, even in the most basic ways, he believes there's nothing else Jake must do for him. Of course, he tries to be a good boyfriend, to give emotional support when Jake needs it, but he struggles with that as well. He's out of his depth when feelings come into play because he was never allowed to express his own in a healthy way. 

It's almost 3 am when Jake awakens to find that, once again, Luther's side of the bed is empty. Of course, this could mean many things, but Jake has a hunch that he'll find his boyfriend curled up and sobbing on the bathroom floor again. So he rises and walks down the hallway to press his ear to the bathroom door. Sure enough, he hears muffled, quiet sobs from inside, and opens the door. 

It breaks his heart anew every single time he sees Luther like this, looking so paradoxically small and weak. He's got his hands up over his face to hide the tears, but his shaking shoulders and soft whimpering give him away. Jake's first instinct is to reach out and physically comfort his boyfriend, but he doesn't want to frighten Luther.

“Lou?” he says gently. “What's the matter, baby?”

Luther freezes, obviously not expecting Jake's voice, but his shoulders quickly slump and he removes one giant hand from over his face, revealing one bloodshot blue eye. 

“Did I wake you up?” he says, voice raw with emotion. “I'm sorry, Jakey. I didn't mean to.”

Jake kneels down and runs a hand through Luther's buzzcut. Again, his heart aches when he sees Luther flinch initially, as if expecting to be hit. 

“No, no, don't worry. It's all good.”

Luther sighs, slowly removing the other hand covering his face. 

“......I had another nightmare.”

His gaze turns away from Jake, a clear indicator of shame. For the millionth time, Jake curses Reginald Hargreeves for taking a little boy and warping him both physically and emotionally. Nobody should feel this ashamed about having normal human emotions, especially after all the trauma Luther has experienced. 

“Was it about the accident?” Jake continues to run his hand over Luther's head, rubbing soothing circles behind his ear and into the nape of his neck. He can feel Luther's muscles relaxing slowly. 

Luther nods. “I was burning. Everything was red and I couldn't get out. I was so...I was scared.”

“It's okay, baby,” Jake says. “Next time, just wake me up if you need someone, okay?”

“......I don't wanna be a burden, Jakey.”

Now Jake feels like he's going to start crying. Again, nobody should feel this way about having emotions, but here Luther is, thirty-two years old, still unable to feel the full range of his emotions without intense guilt. 

“Luther, look at me.”

Luther looks up at his boyfriend, uncertainty embedded in those big blue eyes of his. Despite his horrible past, Luther is such a sweet, gentle man. Someone who deserves the entire world. If only Jake could convince him of that. 

“Lou, baby, you're not a burden. Not to me. Not ever.”

“....Really?” He says it like he desperately wants to believe Jake, but he just isn't sure something that wonderful could be true. 

“Really. I love you. I love you so much. Taking care of you will never be a burden to me.”

Luther's eyes shine with tears again, but the smile on his face makes it clear that they are no longer ones of fear or sadness. He sits up and pulls Jake close, humming happily as they kiss and cuddle for a long, long time. And while Jake knows he'll have to remind Luther of his worth again and again, probably for the rest of their lives, he'd be willing to do it every single day just to see the way his boyfriend's face lights up. How could someone like that ever be a burden?


End file.
